8 Reasons Why I’m A Better Parent Than You

Posted by : Brian | On : February 4, 2014

Here’s a message from every parent to every other parent:

1. That thing you allow your kids to do? I don’t allow that.

What parent in their right mind would allow their children to do that thing you’re allowing them to do? I can’t imagine ever allowing my children to do such a thing, because I am a good parent. You should be, too.

2. That thing you don’t do with your kids? I do that.

All parents should really do this thing with their kids in order to make the kid be better. I can’t understand why you wouldn’t do this thing with your kids. If you continue to not do this thing with your kids, then you’ll definitely pay the consequences later.

3. You put them to bed at what time?

Don’t you know that kids need to be asleep by a certain time – specifically the time I put my kids to bed. It’s for their own good and you should follow my lead. Putting your children to bed before or after the time I do is bad for their health.

4. You let them eat that?

Why are you killing your children with that food you’re giving them? Don’t you know that will give them a certain disease that will kill them? What an irresponsible parent you are. You should feed them what I feed my kids. Stop poisoning them.

5. You send your kids to that school?

Don’t you know that this other school (or not school) will make them smart while your school is making them dumb? If you cared about your children you would remove your children from that school tomorrow and educate them this or that way instead.

6. You let them watch TV?

I should call the authorities on you for allowing your children to watch the brain-rotting television screen. My kids? No, that’s an iPad – it’s educational. Maybe you would know that if your parents didn’t let you watch TV as a child.

7. I heard you yell at your kids.

As the all-encompasing bastion of patience as a parent, I thought it was important to let you know that the time you raised your voice to your child in aisle 12 of Wal-Mart, everyone was watching. They all saw how terrible of a parent you are. I saw it too. I’m so thankful that I’ve never done that to my child.

8. Your child is behind – and it’s all your fault.

My children hit this certain milestone at this age, and your child still hasn’t done that certain thing yet. What exactly are you doing wrong? Are you ignoring them? Or did you not read to them or listen to classical music while they were still in the womb? I feel so bad for them…

I wish you could be as good of a parent as I am.

Every other parent

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